The laughs we had over a large serving of fries you chose to bathe with Coke because I didn’t stop eating it when you said it “doesn’t taste right”, the extra points we never got since we skipped classes, the stories that just kept on pouring since it was long since we last talked, and the feeling of saying goodbye again.
Ah, nothing beats the meeting-after-how-long.
What’s good with the numbing of last night is the carefree-ness, the doing anything you want without thinking of the effects. What’s good with numbing is that it makes you feel less, though talk more. What’s good with numbing is feeling of letting it all out, no holds barred. Cry your heart out, if you must.
What’s bad with the numbing of last night is the effect of it the morning after, the resentment you get for baring your soul. What’s bad with the numbing is the humiliation of letting it all out, letting strangers know an avenue through your weak spot.
But what’s good was that it felt right once. It felt right because you were numb from it all.
Walking alone out of the building, not talking to anyone, thinking things over. And yes I know 30minutes is not enough, and I regret it.
Sisig and ice cream washed the depression away.
What’s hard in saying goodbye is to shyly say hello again, because you miss the old times. You miss the bond, the friendship and all of it.
And I know the relationship is long a goner now but I will try again. Now that I’ve been embracing the truth little by little by actually admitting that these things happened, and is not just part of my so-called imagination.
I will get off my high horse and sweep you off your feet. Or so I imagine.
Best blockmates ever. Need I say more?
No. I won’t talk about this day.
As I view the photos from my webcam photo folder, I can’t help but smile and feel so nostalgic. The times are gone and will never come back. But the toothy grins, the deafening laughters, the bonding made, will never go. It stays with you.
Gone were the friendship and the love the photographs captured, but the memories stay with you, making you feel empty and giving you the feeling that you were once happy, and will probably never feel the same again. It stays with you, rots with you.
There’s always this one thing a person is afraid of in getting to him. You can run, delay it, or even turn your back on it, but it will get to you in time. In the most unlikely time too, sometimes on a moment of having fun and drinking booze, it catches you by surprise, knocking you down effortlessly. Not even hugs and soothing back pats can make you feel better.
In the most unlikely time and place, it will get you. And it will get you hard.
Being the lazy asses that we are, we spent most of our times inside my room, confined with my gay pink walls instead of having fun outside with all the basagang palayok and agawang buko games and more.
Finally got to get them go outside. The whole street was filled with people.
Mehe, Tanduay Ice. The red ones taste better though.
Feeling some kind of artsy-fartsy vibes, that’s why. I was tired with my bland, and other than that, rather dirty cream-colored planner from Moonleaf Tea Shop so I asked my blockmate, Krystel, to doodle at the back. But then it got dirtier, so I decided to put my ~*skills*~ in to test.
Before:
After:
This is so much better in person, believe me. I’m satisfied.
I don’t really believe in such occurrences, but my day went pretty normal. I was still having doubts if I would get up by 9:30 but I reluctantly did, hence two minutes before eleven (start of first subject) I was running like a berserk on the busy street of Dapitan.
Classes went as normal as possible as well, me cramming over a quiz that I have failed to review for (again, as usual), me effortlessly trying to bitch out, and me and my blockmates joking and laughing at just about anything.
Today I spent a lot of money on photocopying notes. That’s a given already, really, since exams are next week.
I was with Christell after classes and we don’t really have any place in mind to go, and 10 minutes later we were at SM San Lazaro, busily catching up on our busy lives. And yes, we miss you so much Pam! And also not to mention our habitual Pamela talks. The next thing we know, we were at a thrift store in Tayuman. (Check next post)
Over all, it was a day worthwhile, and I spent too much again.
And I know things between you and a certain girl are over. But texting her randomly about a calculator wouldn’t clear things up, most especially if you haven’t talked for almost a week now.
And letting her borrow it for another week isn’t a good idea, really.
The door was kind of translucent, giving you the freedom of seeing both scenes from both sides. The glass on the door though sort of acted like a mirror. Of course I didn’t know it then.
I entered to the other side, the brute ruthless side. Where people are mercilessly whipped (no, not really but you get the idea). I made my transaction with the devils as soon as possible, leaving no trails behind.
And as I hold the door knob ready to get out and go to the safe side, I see a woman’s reflection through the door. A woman who turns the door as I do, who makes a strange puzzled face when I was doing the same when I realized that we move like we’re in a timed act, who made way when I made way for her. A woman who moves as I do.
A second or two passed and I smiled goofily, even hoping that no one saw what just happened.
The girl from the mirror was me.
Why am I not good enough?
Or will a man ever be good enough for himself?
As I continually crack my bones, the sound comforting, as weird as it may sound, I wonder. My glasses sliding down my rather bulbous nose, me staring at a flash of familiar light, I wonder. As cliche as it may sound, I wonder.
Why am I not good enough?
by Chuck Palahniuk
In six seconds, you’ll hate me.
But in six months, you’ll be a better writer.From this point forward—at least for the next half year—you may not use “thought” verbs. These include: Thinks, Knows, Understands, Realizes, Believes, Wants, Remembers, Imagines, Desires, and a…
I fidget, as I put a nut in my mouth.
I fidget, as I wait for the internet to reconnect.
I fidget, as I received the text that will bring me to a place where humiliation and loss of pride will eat me whole.
I fidget, as I wait.
I fidget, as I see you again.
I fidget, as if fidgeting means nothing.
How does one produce sleep?
Is it the comfort of the whirring blades of the fan?
The quiet of the still night sky?
Or is it the overwhelming memories of the earlier past?
Is it the exhaustion of thinking too much?
The stress of it all?
Or is one simply tired to even open his eyes?
Today just made me realize more that sports is not for me. I can’t do a toss, I can’t do a dig pass. What can I do?
And also today is too-much-spending day 2.
And it seemed like my pockets were holed today, from all the spending I made. And I know that they are. And I did not seem to put an effort to stop it. Worse, it looked like the hole has gone worse. I really don’t know how I managed to burn almost 500-pesos today.
And the expenses just can’t put a stop to itself. It looks like I won’t be saving up for this and the coming week.
The only plus side of this day was getting to see my blockmates.
I don’t receive much compliments that often so forgive me if I publish this. Thank you. You made my night, really :)
And yes this is timely, I just have to let it all out. Chos. And I know I don’t use chos that much in my blog but this is too serious to not say the word chos. Chos.
To wrap it all up, here it is: I’m fine. It struck me hard, but I’m fine.
Heck, I don’t even know who you’re talking about. And I don’t really know why I’m typing all these, because this mere effort is direly futile anyway, but these words just keep popping out.
And I don’t mean too much when I said I want to let it all out. Or maybe I’m just too tired of manipulating the facts that are handed down to me.
I’m fine. It struck me hard, but I’m fine.
Chos.
Yep, after all the years that I have been a coward, I’m starting my 365-project. And what better way to start the year than make a New Year’s resolution. And I know I won’t be able to fulfill everything, trying won’t do any harm, yes?
Who am I kidding? This won’t work.
